Lessons from The Rabbit Listened
What you can learn about presence and listening from a children's book.
Sometimes the biggest lessons to learn are found in children's stories. The simplicity of the story and its message is its own kind of power. One great example of these powerful stories is Cori Doerrfeld's The Rabbit Listened. In just a few minutes of reading you are left with a powerful message: presence is often a more precious and impactful gift than we understand.
This simple story shows little Taylor building blocks when they suddenly come tumbling down. A series of animals comes in and suggests Taylor do things like talk, shout, hide, and laugh. But Taylor doesn't want to do any of those things. Eventually a rabbit comes and stays with him until Taylor naturally goes through the actions the animals suggested. The rabbit’s simple presence with Taylor provided the space and comfort needed to process the loss naturally.
What Can Adults Learn From This?
Not everyone processes their emotions in the same way. While a tumbling pile of blocks is not the same as a crumbling relationship, both involve experiencing a sense of loss, and there is a process of working through the sadness that follows. That process is rarely a straight line where we experience emotion A then B, etc. Despite the animals suggesting common behavioral responses, the reality is that some of us don't need to laugh at the cheesy breakup line before getting angry and shouting about the end of the relationship we thought would last.
Fixing the problem is not always the solution. People tend to jump to solving the problems presented to them, especially when the problem is causing pain to someone they care about. The thought is often that if the problem goes away then the pain or discomfort will go away as well. This isn't necessarily true, particularly in situations where there isn't a solution, like grieving the death of a loved one or the loss of a friendship. In these difficult seasons of life those we care about will often need a mixture of support to establish some form of emotional stability in the midst of pain.
Discomfort with seeing other's suffering can make listening and being present difficult. How many times have you experienced disappointment only to have someone say “at least you still have your health”. And how often do we hear and say phrases like “when one door closes another one opens” to try to provide comfort? While these sentiments may be rooted in truth they often don't help a person process through the disappointment they face. Seeing a friend crying may make us uncomfortable so we offer a tissue and say “don't cry, it will be alright”. When they may just need to have a loved one quietly sit with them and be there after the tears when they are ready to talk.
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Asking a simple question like "Would you like me to listen or would you like me to respond?" can help to show you are present and willing to provide whatever the other person needs in the moment.
There are times where simply being present is the best thing you can do. However, there are moments when responding with words of encouragement or laughter can help calm or lighten the situation. Meeting someone where they are emotionally is such an important and valuable service to be given to a person you care about.
No one is going to make it through life without experiencing hardship in some form or fashion. When these moments enter into our lives it may be a good idea to lend a listening ear rather than reaching for a box of tissues. Be sure to keep an open mind too and be able to talk, or laugh, or fix, or whatever else you may be able to provide in that time of need. The rabbit started with listening and then walked with Taylor through laughing, anger, and more.
When you see someone you know and care about struggling with their own falling blocks, remember to be a rabbit and start with listening and not jumping straight into fix it mode.